Minggu, 28 November 2010

SUSAHHHH CARI DUIT !!!

Author: ketawaketiwi.com

Indonesia Job - Ibu: Nak cobalah sedikit kreatif daftar , cari kerja , nglamar , ikutan tes gitu, jangan cuma nglokro ngelamun aja.
Job Vacancy - Anak:Bu udah banyak kulakukan nasihat ibu tu , semua dah semua pusing aku ...... bukan itu masalahnya.
Indonesia - Ibu:" Lha .. apa masalahnya dong?
Anak:Cari kerja gak susah bu yang susah tu cari duit,buu.
Ibu: !!!!!

Apa Yang Paling Cepat Didunia ???

Author: ketawaketiwi.com

Indonesia Job - Seorang manager HRD sedang menyaring pelamar untung satu lowongan di kantornya. Ada empat orang calon yang cocok. Untuk menentukan yang terbaik, ia mengajukan pertanyaan kepada keempat calon tersebut: Setahu Anda, apa yg paling cepat Job Vacancy - di dunia ini? Calon pertama : “PIKIRAN..!!! Dia muncul begitu saja di dalam kepala, tanpa peringatan, tanpa ancang2. Tiba2 saja dia sudah ada.. “Bagus,” sahut si Manager. “Kalau menurut anda? ” tanyanya kepada calon ke-2. Calon kedua : “ Job Indonesia - Hmm…KEJAPAN MATA..!!! Datangnya tidak bisa di perkirakan, dan tanpa kita sadari mata kita sudah berkejap. “Bagus sekali! Memang ada ungkapan sekejap mata untuk menggambarkan betapa cepatnya sesuatu terjadi.” Si manager berpaling ke calon ke 3, yang sedang berpikir keras. Calon ketiga : “NYALA LAMPU adalah yang tercepat yang saya ketahui…!!!” jawabnya.. “saya sering menyalakan saklar di dalam rumah dan lampu yang ada di taman langsung menyala saat itu juga. Si manager terkesan dengan jawaban kandidat ke 3. “ Memang sulit mengalahkan kecepatan cahaya, ” pujinya. Di lirik oleh sang manager, Calon ke’empat menjawab : “Sudah jelas bahwa yang paling cepat di dunia itu adalah MENCRET..!!!” “APA?” seru sang manager yang terkaget-kaget dengan jawaban yang tak terduga itu. “ OOh……. saya bisa menjelaskannya,” kata calon ke4. ” Dua hari lalu perut saya mendadak mules sekali. Cepat-cepat saya berlari ke toilet. Tapi sebelum saya sempat BERPIKIR, MENGEJAPKAN MATA, dan MENYALAKAN LAMPU saya sudah berak di celana…!!

a Woman And Husband

Author: basicjokes.com

Job Vacancy - A woman followed her husband to the public house. Job Indonesia - "How can you come here," she said, taking a sip of his pint of Guinness, "and drink that awful stuff?" "Now!" he cried, "And you always said I was out enjoying meself." - Indonesia Job

Fido Sang Korban !!!

Author: ketawaketiwi.com

Job Indonesia - Udin baru saja bertemu dengan gadis pujaan hatinya.
Karena tidak ingin menimbulkan kesan yang jelek maka ketika dia mengajak Udin untuk kerumahnya dan berkenalan dengan orang tuanya, Ia langsung mengiyakan.

Indonesia Job - Singkat cerita, setelah mereka duduk dan makan bersama di meja makan, Ia mulai merasakan sesuatu yang tidak enak di perutnya dan rasanya kepingin Kentut. Pada saat yang bersamaan Anjing mereka, Fido, berjalan dibawah meja sambil memukul-mukulkan ekornya pada kaki Udin.

Job Vacancy - Si Udin sangat kaget sekali. Saking kagetnya iya lupa untuk menahan kentutnya sehingga keluarlah bunyi kentut yang mendesis kecil. Tiba-tiba ibu kekasihnya berteriak : "
Fido ! ! "

Martin merasa lega dan berpikir : " Wah...bagus juga nich...dia pikir anjingnya yang kentut. Kalau gitu saya boleh kentut kapan saja dan mereka akan menyalahkan anjing itu.

So si Udin kentut lagi lebih keras dan sekali lagi Ibu kekasihnya berteriak memanggil nama si Fido.

Setelah kentut dua kali, Udin merasa lebih lega lagi.

" Ah...gua rasa kalo gue keluarin sekali lagi pasti lega banget dech rasanya "

Pikir si Udin. So dengan semangat 45 si Udin mengeluarkan kentut yang sangat KERAS. Kali ini Ibunya melihat dengan putus asa pada anjing mereka.

Udin merasa geli melihat tingkah si Ibu sampai si ibu berteriak :
 
" FIDO, KELUAR DARI SITU SEBELUM UDIN BERAKIN
SEMUA TUBUH KAMU !!!!!!!"

Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman in a Pub

Author: basicjokes.com

Job Vacancy - One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. Job Indonesia - They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head. Indonesia Job - The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened. The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer, and started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT!!!!"

Tugas Sekretaris

Author: http://bit.ly/fmoBF8

Indonesia Job - Sekretarisnya itu mengabaikan bunyi telepon.

Boss: Job Indonesia - "Kamu harus menjawab telepon itu," kata si boss dengan marahnya.

Sekretaris: Job Vacancy - "Baiklah," jawab si sekretaris, "Tapi Pak, itu pekerjaan yang sia-sia, 9 dari 10 telepon yang masuk bukan untuk saya, tetapi untuk Bapak."

Boss: "Arrrrggghhh.. #%$%@%#%."

Selimut Jatuh Kok Keras?

Author: http://bit.ly/fmoBF8

Job Indonesia - Mendengar suara keras dari dalam kamarnya seorang Ibu bertanya dari luar.

Ibu: "Suara apa itu, Ton??" - Job Vacancy

Anton: "Selimut jatuh dari tempat tidur, Bu!" - Indonesia Job

Ibu: "Kok suaranya keras sekali?"

Anton: "Di dalam selimut ada Anton, Bu!"

Selasa, 23 November 2010

Connecticut,and around, Dumb and Crazy Law

Author: ahajokes.com


Job Vacancy - You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour.

Job Indonesia - In order for a pickle to officially be considered a pickle, it must bounce.

Looking for more dumb laws? Check out DumbLaws.com!
It is illegal to dispose of used razor blades.
- Indonesia Job

You cannot buy any alcohol after 8pm or on Sundays.

The marriage of imbeciles and feeble-minded persons is prohibited. (Repealed)

It is illegal to discharge a firearm from a public highway.

No one may use a white cane, unless they are blind.

Devon

It is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.

Guilford

Only white Christmas lights are allowed for display.

Hartford

You aren't allowed to cross a street while walking on your hands. You may not educate dogs. It is illegal for a man to kiss his wife on Sunday.

New Britain

It is illegal for fire trucks to exceed 25mph, even when going to a fire.

Southington

Silly string is banned.

Waterbury

It is illegal for any beautician to hum, whistle, or sing while working on a customer.

Colorado Crazy and Around Crazy Jokes Law

Author: ahajokes.com



  • Tags may be ripped off of pillows and mattresses. - Job Indonesia


  • It is illegal to ride a horse while under the influence. - Job Vacancy

    Looking for more dumb laws? Check out DumbLaws.com!

  • No liquor may be sold on Sundays or election days. (Repealed) - Indonesia Job


  • It is illegal for liquor stores to sell food or grocery stores to sell any alcohol except beer that is at most 3.2% alcohol.


  • Car dealers may not show cars on a Sunday.

    Colorado Springs


  • It is permissable to wear a holstered six-gun within city limits, except on Sunday, Election Day, or holidays.

    Crippe Creek


  • It is illegal to bring your horse or pack mule above the ground floor of any building.

    Denver


  • You may not drive a black car on Sundays.


  • It is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor.


  • It is illegal to mistreat rats in Denver, Colorado.


  • The dog catcher must notify dogs of impounding by posting, for three consecutive days, a notice on a tree in the city park and along a public road running through said park.

    Durango


  • It is illegal to go in public dressed in clothes "unbecoming" on one's sex.

    Logan County


  • It is illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she is asleep.

    Pueblo


  • It is illegal to let a dandelion grow within the city limits.

    Sterling


  • Cats may not run loose without having been fit with a taillight.

  • Dumb Law Jokes Sandiego, San Francisco, San Jose, etc

    Author: ahajokes.com

    San Diego - Indonesia Job



  • Job Vacancy - The owners of houses with Christmas lights on them past February second may be fined up to $250.


  • Job Indonesia - It is illegal to shoot jackrabbits from the back of a streetcar.

    San Francisco


  • Persons classified as "ugly" may not walk down any street.


  • Prohibits elephants from strolling down Market Street unless they are on a leash.


  • It is illegal to pile horse manure more than six feet high on a street corner.


  • It is illegal to wipe one's car with used underwear.

    San Jose


  • It is illegal to have more than two cats or dogs. -Ord. 7.08.595

    Santa Monica


  • You may not play percussion instruments on the beach.

    Temecula


  • Ducks have the right of way to cross Rancho California St. at all times.

  • Dumb Law Jokes in Ontario, Pacific Grove, Palm Springs, etc !!!

    Author: ahajokes.com

    Ontario - Job Vacancy



  • Roosters may not crow in the city limits.

    Pacific Grove - Indonesia Job


  • Molesting butterflies can result in a $500 fine.

    Palm Springs -  Job Indonesia


  • It is illegal to walk a camel down Palm Canyon Drive between the hours of four and six PM.

    Pasadena


  • It is illegal for a secretary to be alone in a room with her boss.

    Prunedale


  • Two bathtubs may not be installed in the same house.

    Redlands


  • Motor vehicles may not drive on city streets unless a man with a lantern is wallking ahead of it.

    Riverside


  • One may not carry a lunch down the street between 11 and 1 o'clock.

  • Dumb Los Angeles Law Jokes

    Author: ahajokes.com - Indonesia Job

  • Toads may not be licked. - Job Vacancy


  • You may not hunt moths under a street light. - Job Indonesia


  • It is a crime for dogs to mate within 500 yards of a church. Breaking this law is punishable by a fine of $500 and/or six months in prison.


  • You cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time.


  • Zoot suits are prohibited.


  • It is illegal to cry on the witness stand.


  • It is illegal for a man to beat his wife with a strap wider than 2 inches without her consent.

  • Dumb Law Jokes Hollywood and Vicinity

    Author: ahajokes.com

    Job Indonesia - Hollywood


  • It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time.

    Job Vacancy - Lafayette


  • You are forbidden to spit on the ground within 5 feet of another person.

    Indonesia Job - Lodi


  • It is illegal to own or sell "Silly String".

    Lompoc


  • It is illegal to posses, own or raise roosters. This is considered disturbing the peace.

    Long Beach


  • It is illegal to curse on a mini-golf course.


  • Cars are the only item allowed in a garage.

  • Dumb Blend Law Jokes

    Author: ahajokes.com - Job Indonesia

    Alhambra - Indonesia Job


  • Job Vacancy - You cannot leave your car on the street overnight without the proper permit.

    Baldwin Park


  • Nobody is allowed to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool.

    Belvedere


  • City Council order reads: "No dog shall be in a public place without its master on a leash."

    Blythe


  • You are not permitted to wear cowboy boots unless you already own at least two cows.

    Burlingame


  • It is illegal to spit, except on baseball diamonds.

    Carmel


  • Ice cream may not be eaten while standing on the sidewalk. (Repealed when Clint Eastwood was mayor)


  • Women may not wear high heels while in the city limits.

    Chico


  • Detonating a nuclear device within the city limits results in a $500 fine.

    Downey


  • It is illegal to wash your car in the street. (Passed 1995).

  • Dumb Arcadia Law Jokes

    Author: ahajokes.com - Job Indonesia



  • Job Vacancy - Peacocks have the right of way to cross any street, including driveways. - Indonesia Job

  • Dumb California Laws

    Author: ahajokes.com


  • Job Vacancy - Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses.


  • Job Indonesia - Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.

    Looking for more dumb laws? Check out DumbLaws.com!

  • Indonesia Job - Many animals are illegal to own as pets, including snails, sloths, and elephants.


  • Bathhouses are against the law.


  • In an animal shelter, lizards and snakes are treated under the same guidelines as cats and dogs.


  • No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour.


  • Women may not drive in a house coat.


  • It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale.

  • Dumb Arkansas Laws

    Author: ahajokes.com - Indonesia Job


  • Job Vacancy - A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.


  • Job Indonesia - A law provides that school teachers who bob their hair will not get a raise.

    Looking for more dumb laws? Check out DumbLaws.com!

  • Alligators may not be kept in bathtubs.


  • The Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock.


  • Arkansas must be pronounced "Arkansaw"


  • A voter is only allowed five minutes to mark his ballot.

    Fayetteville


  • Dogs may not bark after 6 PM.


  • It is illegal to kill "any living creature".


  • It is unlawful to walk one's cow down Main Street after 1:00 PM on Sunday.


  • No person shall sound the horn on a vechicle at any place where cold drinks or sandwiches are served after 9:00 P.M. -Little Rock City Code Sec. 18-54


  • Flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term.

  • Dumb Arizona Crazy Law

    Author: ahajokes.com - Job Vacancy



  • Job Indonesia - You may not have more than two dildos in a house.


  • Any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is considered a felony. This goes back in the days of the Wild West. - Indonesia Job

    Looking for more dumb laws? Check out DumbLaws.com!

  • There is a possible 25 years in prison for cutting down a cactus.


  • When being attacked by a criminal or burglar, you may only protect yourself with the same weapon that the other person posseses.


  • Hunting camels is prohibited.


  • Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.


  • It is unlawful to refuse a person a glass of water.

    Glendale


  • Cars may not be driven in reverse.

    Globe


  • Cards may not be played in the street with a Native American.

    Hayden


  • If you bother the cottontails or bullfrogs, you will be fined.

    Maricopa County


  • No more than six girls may live in any house.

    Mesa


  • It is illegal to smoke cigarettes within 15 feet of a public place unless you have a Class 12 liqueur license.

    Mohave County


  • A decree declares that anyone caught stealing soap must wash himself with it until it is all used up.

    Nogales


  • An ordinance prohibits the wearing of suspenders.

    Prescott


  • No one is permitted to ride their horse up the stairs of the county court house.

    Tucson


  • Women may not wear pants.

    Tombstone


  • It is illegal for men and women over the age of 18 to have less than one missing tooth visible when smiling.

  • Alaska Crazy Law

    Author: ahajokes.com


    Job Indonesia - Alaska's More Important Laws

    Job Vacancy - In Fairbanks it is considered an offense to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose.


    Indonesia Job - While it is legal to shoot bears, waking a sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited.

    It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane.

    It is the state policy that emergencies are held to a minimum and are rarely found to exist.-Sec. 44.62.270. State policy.

    Moose may not be viewed from an airplane.

    Dumb Alabama Laws

    Author: ahajokes.com - Job Vacancy



  • It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. - Indonesia Job


  • Dominoes may not be played on Sunday. - Job Indonesia



  • You may not drive barefooted.


  • It is illegal to maim oneself to escape duty.


  • It is illegal to impersonate a person of the clergy.


  • Women are able to retain all property they owned prior to marriage in the case of divorce. However, this provision does not apply to men.


  • Masks may not be worn in public.


  • Putting salt on a railraod track may be punishable by death.


  • Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.


  • Bear wrestling matches are prohibited.


  • It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street if you have a lantern attached to the front of your automobile.


  • Men may not spit in front of the opposite sex.


  • Incestous marriages are legal.


  • It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.


  • You must have windshield wipers on your car.


  • You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.

    Anniston


  • You may not wear blue jeans down Noble Street.

    Jasper


  • It is illegal for a husband to beat his wife with a stick larger in diameter than his thumb.

    Lee County


  • It is illegal to sell peanuts in Lee County after sundown on Wednesday.

    Mobile


  • It is unlawful to wear women's pumps with sharp, high heels.


  • It is unlawful to howl at ladies inside the city limits.

    Montgomery


  • It is considered an offense to open an umbrella on a street, for fear of it spooking horses. (Repealed)

  • Top ten ways to annoy your waiter or waitress !!!

    From the Late Show with David Letterman - Friday, January 13, 1995 with revisions made by John Insor.

    1.
    Indonesia Job - Three words: eat the check. - Job Indonesia


    2. Job Vacancy - As he walks by to the kitchen, scream, "He's gonna spit in the chowder!"



    3. Every time you eat or drink, cough really hard.

    4. Tie tablecloth around neck and say, "You wouldn't charge Superman for dinner, would you?"

    5. Insist that before ordering, you be allowed to touch the London broil.

    6. Every few seconds, yell, "More waffles, Cuomo!"

    7. Whenever he walks by, cough and mutter, "Minimum wage".

    8. After he describes each special, you shout, "Garbage!"



    9. Ask, "Excuse me, are you a really bad singer, or a really bad actor?"
    10. Eight hour lunch, two dollar tip.






    Jaka dan Juki

    Author: Unknown

    Job Indonesia - Juki  : Hey kawan,hayo tebak,kenapa Imam Bonjol memakai sorban??

    Job Vacancy - Jaka : Apaan sih lu,tebak-tebakan lu gak mutu tau.

    Juki  : Ah,blg aja lu gak tau. - Indonesia Job

    Jaka : Terserah lo dah. Emang knp tuh Imam Bonjol pake sorban??

    Juki  : Huyuh,tuh kan kagak tau. Jawabannya: Ya karena Imam Bonjol kan naek kuda,klo naek motor ya pake helm.

    Jaka : Kampret.. Lah iyalah,kan beda jaman. Gw lanjutin candaan lu nih. Kan lu tau bgt tentang Imam Bonjol. Hayo tebak,kudanya Imam Bonjol jenis kelaminnya apa??

    Juki  : Set deh,parah dah. Mana gw tau klo ampe kudanya. Kali aja tuh kuda cwo,kan gak pake Bra. heehehehehee..

    Jaka : Yaelah,otak lu mah jero'annya cwe melulu. Yg bner tuh kuda ya cewe Juk.

    Juki  : Loh,kok bisa bgono,Jak??

    Jaka : Iyalah,kan kuda cewenya lg gak mungkin ikutan perang,lagi nyusuin anaknya.

    Juki  : Buseeettt.. *Pletak (Suara Juki jitak Jaka)

    Mommy mommy 14

    Author: AYM

    Job Vacancy - Mommy, Mommy! Why am I in a box?? - Job Indonesia

    Indonesia Job - Shut up, I just want to throw you to the final disposal.



    Mommy, Mommy! I don't want chop this.

    Shut up and keep chop your sister into pieces.



    Mommy, Mommy! I don't like mud .

    Shut up and keep digging.



    Mommy, Mommy! Why I'm here??


    Shut up you brats, you will enjoy in this hole.



    Mommy, Mommy! What are doin there??

    Shut up,or I will busted that right now I'm chopped
    neighbor's child.

    Senin, 22 November 2010

    Mommy mommy 13

    Author: ahajokes.com

    Job Indonesia - Mommy, Mommy! I like my brother very much. - Job Vacancy

    Indonesia Job - All right, you can take another slice.



    Mommy, Mommy! I don't want to empty the compost heap.

    Shut up and keep eating.


    Mommy, Mommy! I don't like fishing.

    Shut up and stop squirming.


    Mommy, Mommy! Suzi got run over by a steamroller.

    Shut up. I'm in the bathroom, slide her under the door.

    [Alt answer] Shut up and get the maple syrup.


    "Come upstairs, son, like a good boy."

    "No, Mommy, you'll only throw me down again and again."

    Mommy mommy 12

    Author: ahajokes.com

    Job Indonesia - Mommy, Mommy! Why do other kids tell me I have a big head?

    Don't worry. Take your cap and go get me 40 lbs of potatoes at the store.
    - Job Vacancy



    Mommy, Mommy! Why do other kids tell me I have a long nose?

    You don't, but lift your head up or you'll scrape the floor.
    - Lowongan Kerja



    Mommy, Mommy! Are you sure this is how to learn to swim?

    Shut up and get back in the sack!



    Mommy, Mommy! How come sister gets to watch TV and I can't?

    Shut up or I'll cut your ears off, too!



    Mommy, Mommy! Don't push me towards the elevator shAAAAAFFFFF

    Mommy mommy 11

    Author: ahajokes.com

    Job Vacancy - Mommy, Mommy! I've lost my fingers!

    Indonesia Job - Shut up and eat your french fries!



    Job Indonesia - Mommy, Mommy! When will we have this nice yellow pudding again?

    Shut up, you know that grandma's leg is no longer infested.


    Mommy, Mommy! Why is my hair so slimy?

    Shut up, you little snot.


    Mommy, Mommy! I don't like Sister!

    Shut up, and keep eating!


    Mommy, Mommy! I'd like to play marbles now!

    Keep quiet, you can't use Grandpa's glass eye today!

    Mommy mommy 10

    Author: ahajokes.com

    Job Indonesia - Mommy, Mommy! Daddy's running down the street! - Job Vacancy

    Indonesia Job - Shut up and step on the gas!



    Mommy, Mommy! I don't want to see Niagara Falls!

    Shut up and get back in the barrel!


    Mommy, Mommy! Is this the way to make pickles?

    Shut up and get back in the barrel!


    Mommy, Mommy! Daddy went through the meat grinder!

    Shut up and eat your hamburger!


    Mommy, Mommy! How will we ever find Daddy on this golf course?

    Shut up and search the sand traps!

    Mommy mommy 09

    Author: ahajokes.com

    Indonesia Job - Mommy, Mommy! My teacher says my head is too big.

    Job Vacancy - Shut up and get your hat from the garage, so your father can bring the car in!



    Job Indonesia - Mommy, Mommy! Can I play in the sandbox?

    Not until I find a better place to bury Daddy.


    Mommy, Mommy! Why can't we give Dad a decent burial?

    Shut up and keep flushing.


    Mommy, Mommy! Daddy's on fire!

    Shut up and get the marshmallows!


    Mommy, Mommy! Daddy fell in the campfire!

    Shut up and get the barbecue sauce!

    Mommy mommy 08

    Author: ahajokes.com

    Job Vacancy - Mommy, Mommy! There's something in daddy's eye!

    Shut up and eat around it. -
    Indonesia Job



    Mommy, Mommy! Why can't we get a garbage compactor? - Job Vacancy

    Shut up and chew!


    Mommy, Mommy! Daddy's too tough!

    Shut up and keep chewing!


    Mommy, Mommy! Why can't I play with the other kids?

    Shut up and deal.


    Mommy, Mommy! My head hurts!

    Shut up and get away from the dart board!

    Mommy mommy 07

    Author: ahajokes.com

    Job Indonesia - Mommy, Mommy! I don't want hamburgers for supper!

    Shut up or I'll grind your other hand.
    - Job Vacancy



    Indonesia Job - Mommy, Mommy! I hate tomato juice!

    Shut up and drink it before it clots.


    Mommy, Mommy! What's a vampire?

    Shut up and eat your soup before it clots.


    Mommy, Mommy! I don't like tomato soup!

    Shut up, we only have it once a month.


    Mommy, Mommy! I hate spaghetti!

    Shut up or I'll pull the veins out of your other arm.

    Mommy mommy 06

    Author: ahajokes.com

    Job Vacancy - Mommy, Mommy! Why is Daddy zigzagging in the yard?

    Shut up and shoot again! -
    Indonesia Job



    Job Indonesia - Mommy, Mommy! I don't wanna visit grandma!

    Shut up and keep digging.


    Mommy, Mommy! Can I lick the bowl?

    Shut up and flush.


    Mommy, Mommy! I'm sick of learning how to swim!

    Shut up or I'll flush it again!


    Mommy, Mommy! It's cold and dark and damp down here.

    Shut up or I'll flush it again.

    Mommy mommy 05

    Author: ahajokes.com


    Indonesia Job - Mommy, Mommy! Grandpa's going out!

    Job Indonesia - Well throw some more gasoline on him then.



    Mommy, Mommy! I don't want to go to Australia. - Job Vacancy

    Shut up son and keep swimming.


    Mommy, Mommy! Why are we pushing the car off the cliff?

    Shut up son, you'll wake your father.


    Mommy, Mommy! I keep running in circles.

    Shut up or I'll nail your other foot to the floor.


    Mommy, Mommy! Why's everybody running?

    Shut up and reload.

    Mommy mommy 04

    Author: ahajokes.com

    Job Vacancy - Mommy, Mommy! Billy won't let go of my ear.

    Billy, let go of Susie's ear. -
    Job Indonesia

    Billy! Let go of her ear!

    Indonesia Job - All right Billy, give me the ear.



    Mommy, Mommy! I hate daddy's guts.

    Well, just leave them on the side of the plate.


    Mommy, Mommy! Why is daddy so pale?

    Shut up and keep digging.


    Mommy, Mommy! I don't like grandpa.

    Well, just push him aside and eat your beans.

    UPDATE STATUS

    Shih Tzu : Nunggu mau ke salon nih...
    Cumi-cumi: Abis isi ulang tinta nih...
    Semut : Hari ni belum dapet yang manis-manis...huhu... T_T
    Babi : Aku difitnah nyebarin flu. Sialan!!
    Kupu-kupu: Akhirnya aku terbang juga :)
    Kecoak : Baru aja selamat dari sapu maut. Yes!!
    Nyamuk : Dapat darah segar.... Nyam!!
    Kambing : Selamat... Lebaran kemarin bebas "sembelih".
    Kepompong: Bosen nih di dalam terus... >_<
    Banteng : Waaw... si merah yang menggoda...
    Ayam : Teman-teman, kalo besok aku tidak kirim update... berarti aku sudah digoreng... I love u all...


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    Mommy mommy 03

    Author: ahajokes.com

    Indonesia Job - Mommy, Mommy! Why do I have to hop everywhere?

    Shut up or I'll chop off the other leg!



    Job Indonesia - Mommy, Mommy! Grandma's got a bruise.

    Shut up and eat around it!


    Job Vacancy - Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all your scabs?

    Shut up and eat your cornflakes!


    Mommy, Mommy! What's in those CARE packages they send to Africa?

    Shut up and get back in the box!


    Mommy, Mommy! The teacher says I look like a monkey!

    Shut up and comb your face!

    Mommy mommy 02

    Author: ahajokes.com

    Job Indonesia - Mommy, Mommy! Are you sure this is the way to make ginger bread men?

    Shut up and get back in the oven. -
    Indonesia Job



    Job Vacancy - Mommy, Mommy! Are you sure this is the right way to cook Peking Duck?

    Shut up and close the microvawe oven door behind you!



    Mommy, Mommy! What's for dinner?

    Shut up and get back in the oven!



    Mommy, Mommy! But I don't wanna eat pizza!

    Shut up and get in the oven!



    Mommy, Mommy! What do you want with that axe??

    Shut up,just put your neck under my axe..

    Mommy mommy 01

    Author: ahajokes.com

    Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all that dog food Fido wouldn't eat? - Job Vacancy

    Job Indonesia - Shut up and eat your meat loaf.



    Indonesia Job - Mommy, Mommy! When are we going to have Aunt Edna for dinner?

    Shut up, we haven't even finished your Grandmother yet.


    Mommy, Mommy! I hate my sister's guts.

    Shut up and eat what's put in front of you.


    Mommy, Mommy! What is a deliquent child?

    Shut up, light your cigarette, drink your whisky and deal those cards.


    Mommy, Mommy! What is a deliquent child?

    Shut up and pass me the crowbar.

    Jepang Norak

    Di luar Hotel Hilton, seorang turis jepang, mau pergi ke bandara, naik taxi di jalan, tiba2 mobil kencang banget, menyalip taxinya si jepang, dan dengan bangga si jepang berteiak,

    “Aaaah Toyota made in japan sangat cepat…!

    Nggak lama kemudian mobil lain nyalip juga taxinya si jepang, si Jepang teriak lagi

    “Aaah Nissan made in japan.. sangat cepat.

    Nggak lama lagi lewat lagi satu mobil menyalip taxinya si jepang, dia teriak lagi
    “AAaah Mitsubishi made in japan sangat cepat…! .

    kali ini sopir taxi, kesal melihat penumpangnya yang bener-bener nasionalis, di bandara sopir taxi bilang ke si jepang…

    Supir taxi: “100 dollars please…..”

    Si Jepang: 100 dollars..?! It’s not that far from the hotel….!!!!!!!!!!!

    Supir taxi: “Aaaah… Argometer made in japan sangat cepat……..”!!!!!! ???

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    Cara Mendapatkan Pekerjaan Pertama

    AS mengebom Iraq, tetapi bunker Saddam sedikitpun tak tertembus, sehingga presiden AS menelepon ke Indonesia, meminta bantuan langsung kepada Bapak Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono presiden kita.
    Kata SBY : “Kami tidak bisa membantu apa-apa, anda sendiri pasti mengerti bahwa kami tidak mempunyai peralatan miltier secanggih negara anda. Jadi, kalau negara anda tidak bisa menembus bunker Iraq, apalagi kami…..!!??” jawab presiden.
    Presiden AS lalu menjawab, “Saya tidak minta bantuan peralatan militer, cukup tolong kirim si INUL buat ngebor Bunker..!!”

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    Teknik Berjalan di Atas Air ala 3 Pengembara

    Author: Unknown


    Job Vacancy - Tiga orang pengembara bermaksud untuk bersemedi di tepi sebuah danau. - Job Indonesia

    Lowongan Kerja - "Waduh, aku lupa membawa alas duduk," kata pengembara pertama. Ia lalu pamit, melangkahkan kakinya di atas air danau, dan menyeberanginya menuju ke tempat tinggal mereka di seberang danau.

    Ketika ia kembali. pengembara ke dua berkata, "Aku lupa menjemur bajuku. Aku pergi dulu ya." Ia berjalan di atas air danau dan menyeberanginya dengan mudah.

    Pengembara ke tiga berpikir bahwa kedua rekannya itu pasti ingin unjuk kebolehan di hadapannya. "Ah, aku juga bisa. Lihat saja," katanya. Ia lalu melangkahkan kakinya ke atas air danau dan langsung tenggelam. Pengembara ke tiga ini berenang ke tepi, dan kemudian mencoba lagi untuk berjalan diatas air dan kembali gagal.

    Ia terus mencoba sampai akhirnya pengembara ke dua berkata kepada pengembara Pertama, "Sebaiknya kita beritahukan saja letak batu-batunya."

    UNJUK KEBOLEHAN

    Job Vacancy - Dahulu kala pernah diadain kontes unjuk kebolehan para jagoan gunain senjata masing2x dr seluruh jagad. Alhasil hanya ada 3 jagoan yg masuk final. - Kerja Lowongan

    Finalis-1 ROBINHOOD dgn panah mautnya. Dilepas seekor lalat oleh juri dia langsung membidik dan wuuuutt… kena.. Lalat jatuh terbelah jd 2 bagian. Penonton & juri berdecak kagum. - Vacancy

    Finalis-2 ZORRO dgn anggar kilatnya. Dilepas jg seekor lalat dan beet… bett… Lalat jatuh terbelah jd 4 bagian. Penonton & juri tambah berdecak kagum.

    Finalis3 SI PITUNG dgn golok saktinya. Lagi2x dilepas seekor lalat dan beett…beett..Lalatnya tetep aja terbang santai. Penonton meneriaki & mengejek…HUUUUU..!. Kemudian juri dgn herannya bertanya “Hai Pitung apa hebatnya dgn golok kamu ??” - Loker
    Si Pitung dgn santai & yakin banget menjawab “Ehh elu2x pade kagak liat ape itu Lalat baru aja gue SUNAT!!!”..
    PENONTON & JURI : “HAAAHHHH!!!!!!????”


    Minggu, 21 November 2010

    WARTAWAN MENGAKU AYAH KORBAN

    Seorang wartawan sedang meliput peristiwa kecelakaan. Karena banyak orang yg mengerumuni lokasi kecelakaan, shg wartawan tsb tdk dpt menerobos untuk melihat korban dari dekat.
    Setelah makan MENTOS, wartawan tsb dapat ide. “Minggir-minggir semua, SAYA AYAH KORBAN!”ia berseru. “Saya minta jalan.” Benar saja…..kerumunan itu membiarkan dia lewat. Semua mata terarah kepada wartawan tsb.
    Wartawan jadi GR, dalam hati: “Berhasil juga, mentos emang ok!!!
    Ketika sampai ditengah kerumunan, ia terpana melihat… SEEKOR ANAK MONYET tergeletak tak berdaya! :D

    Temukan semuanya di Kerja Lowongan, Loker Job Vacancy Indonesia, Vacancy

    MURID DAN GURU

    Job Indonesia - Seorang murid yang dikenal nakal dan rada kurang ajar bertanya pada guru fisikanya yg dikenal sangat kejam.

    Murid : Pak saya ada pertanyaan

    Guru : Apa ?

    Murid : Sebuah lilin yg menyala ditutup dengan gelas, lilin tersebut mati. Hal itu membuktikan apa ????

    Guru : Tidak ada udara di dalam gelas

    Murid : Salah !

    Guru : Lalu apa ?

    Murid : Membuktikan bahwa kita kurang kerjaan…

     Temukan semuanya di Kerja Lowongan, Loker

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    Lolos Dari Kejaran Deadline

    Salah satu hal tersulit dalam kehidupan kerja profesional seseorang adalah mengatur waktu dengan baik. Untuk Anda yang berprofesi sebagai konsultan atau terpilih sebagai kepala untuk menangani sebuah proyek ataupun dalam menyelesaikan pekerjaan sehari-hari, pasti sering menghadapi tuntutan untuk menyelesaikan proyek sesuai tenggang waktu/deadline yang telah diberikan sebelumnya. Tugas yang kelihatannya mudah ini dapat menjadi sulit bila Anda tidak berhati-hati, yang sering kali membuat waktu yang tersedia tidak cukup karena kita meremehkan hal-hal yang terdengar sepele. Ada beberapa cara untuk mengatasi hal ini.
    Pertama, hal yang paling penting adalah memahami proyek yang akan Anda tangani. Hal ini mungkin terdengar sangat simpel, namun banyak orang yang tidak menyadarinya. Tapi ada perbedaan yang dalam cara pandang antara klien atau manajer yang memberi tugas dengan Anda sebagai pelaksana tugas mengenai bagaimana cara menyelesaikan sebuah proyek atau bagaimana tampilan yang diharapkan. Ada baiknya Anda bertanya mengenai hal-hal detil seperti, "Apa yang Anda harapkan setelah proyek ini selesai?" "Bagaimana bentuknya setelah selesai?" dan sebagainya. Semakin banyak pertanyaan yang Anda ajkan, semakin besar kemungkinan Anda dan dia (klien/manajer) mampu menyamakan persepsi sehingga bentrokan yang mungkin terjadi mengenai proyek tersebut dapat dihindarkan.
    Kedua, bagi proyek tersebut menjadi sub-sub bagian kecil. Bagi tugas tersebut menjadi bagian-bagian kecil yang bisa dikerjakan terpisah, dan selesaikan berdasarkan urutan tugas. Hal ini akan memudahkan Anda dalam penyelesaian tugas, sebab sering kali bila tidak dibagi-bagi, sebuah tugas akan terlihat sangat banyak dan terlalu rumit untuk diselesaikan.
    Setelah membuat daftar tugas yang akan dikerjakan, langkah berikutnya adalah mengerjakan tugas yang telah dibagi-bagi tersebut. Beri tanda check untuk setiap tugas yang telah diselesaikan. Kemudian simak kembali daftar tersebut dengan seksama dan tuliskan berapa banyak waktu yang dibutuhkan sebelumnya untuk menyelesaikan tugas yang sama. Dengan melakukan perbandingan, dapat diketahui sejauh mana Anda telah berhasil memperbaiki diri.
    Lalu apa yang harus Anda lakukan dalam merencanakan tugas yang belum pernah dilakukan sebelumnya? Misalkan Anda mendapatkan kontrak sebagai konsultan untuk membuat sebuah situs baru. Mungkin Anda tahu banyak tentang program-program penunjang yang akan digunakan untuk membangun, atau mungkin Anda mahir dalam desain grafis/tampilan situs. Tapi satu hal yang menjadi kekurangan : Anda tidak punya pengalaman membuat situs sendiri, dan untuk melakukannya perlu bantuan orang lain. Untuk mengatasinya, bertanyalah pada teman Anda, siapa tahu ia pernah punya pengalaman membuat situs atau kenal dengan orang lain yang paham tentang seluk-beluk hal satu ini. Biasanya orang yang sudah profesional di bidang ini dengan senang hati akan memberikan masukan atau nasehat.
    Yang sulit adalah bila ternyata kita meremehkan tugas yang diberikan, yang pada akhirnya tidak mampu diselesaikan tepat waktu. Kalau sudah begini, kira-kira apa yang harus dilakukan ya? Strategi pertama adalah menuliskan alasan-alasan mengapa keterlambatan itu terjadi, kemudian temuai atasan atau klien Anda untuk bersama-sama mendiskusikannya. Mengakui kesalahan diri sendiri tanpa melakukan pembelaan sangat penting, bila kita mampu melakukannya, biasanya manajer atau klien kita akan berbesar hati memberi maaf (asalkan tidak terlalu sering). Bukan tidak mungkin mereka memberikan masukan baru, sehingga dengan waktu ekstra maka tugas tersebut dapat diselesaikan dengan lebih sempurna dari sebelumnya. Seandainya mereka marah? Terima saja, toh itu adalah kesalahan kita sendiri, yang penting kita sungguh-sungguh berniat menebus kesalahan tersebut. Selamat mencoba!
     Temukan semuanya di Kerja Lowongan, Loker

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    OLEH-OLEH DARI ABANG
    Abang : “Hai Butet kalau abang pulang dari Jakarta kamu minta apa?”
    Butet : “Sekarang kan udah zamannya modern aku minta HP lah Bang”
    Abang : “Bagus permintaan kamu nanti abang bawakan”
    Abang : “Hai Sinaga kamu minta apa?”
    Sinaga : “Aku minta kaca mata biar kaya artis di TV.”
    Abang : “Oh.. tenang nanti abang bawakan”
    Abang : “Siburian kamu mau dibawakan apa?”
    Siburian : “Aku minta dompet kulit yang asli Bang, disini khan tiruan semua”
    Abang : “Oh.. gampang nanti abang bawakan…”
    Abang : “Ucok kamu mau dibawakan apa?”
    Ucok : “Kebetulan bang, aku nggak punya ikat pinggang, kau bawakan aku ikat pinggang sajalah.”
    Abang : “Susah kali permintaan kau itu… kalau HP, kacamata, dompet mudah ku dapatkan, tapi ikat pinggang… susah kali kutarik itu dari pinggang orang…”

    SELINGKUH SIIHHH….

    Dhani lagi nyantep sarapan sambil baca koran di halaman depan, ketika ia tiba-2 dikagetkan dengan sebuah pukulan di belakang kepalanya…. “toennggg……..” demikian bunyi piring seng yg dipukulkan oleh istrinya dan tepat mengenai botaknya….
    Nggak ada ujan nggak ada angin digituin, si Dhani marah-2…
    “He..!! ngapain mukul-2 suamimu ????”
    “Lu dasar laki-2 hidung belang…..” balas istrinya “siapa DESI yang kamu tulis namanya di kertas dalam dompetmu itu ?”
    Dhani sempat gelagapan, nyaris kepergok selingkuhnya dengan DESI, untung dia langsung ketemu jurus ampuh buat menghindar…..
    “O… rupanya itu toh….. DESI itu nama Kuda taruhan, kemarin aku sempet taruhan sama temen-2 di kantor….”
    Untung sang istri percaya, jadi perang dunia tak jadi meletus….
    Tiga hari kemudian…. “TOENG…” kali ini rantang mendarat di kepala Dhani yang botak dengan lebih kenceng… Ampir semaput….Dhani marah-2 sama istrinya….
    “Kenapa kau pukul aku Mam ???” Istrinya dengan kalem menjawab : “TUH… KUDAMU telepon nyari kamu……”

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